Hello Friends!
I am sharing an article I recently wrote for my company's January news letter. I am on the Diversity & Inclusion Council and so this is my personal story about how this issue impacts my life. If you want to, please share your story. I received so many emails from all across the country after my article was published, and that is just within my company. Trust me, you are not alone.
Don't You Forget About Me....
As the holidays come to a close, we put away the
decorations that remind us of such a happy time of year, and say goodbye to
loved ones, I often get a little sad. Mostly because it is so much work, and I
live in Utah where January and February are very cold and snowy and the skies
are gray.
This year was even more emotional for my siblings and me.
My dad is suffering from severe, degenerative Dementia, or Alzheimer’s disease.
It has been just over three years. My mother is the primary caregiver, but in
the last year, her physical and emotional health has degenerated from the
stress of taking care of my dad.
It is estimated that as many as 5.1 million Americans may
have some form of Dementia or Alzheimer’s disease. And that number increases as
the population ages. Alzheimer’s is not a part of the normal aging process, but
the risk of developing the illness increases with advanced age.
My dad is 77. In June 2007, he and my mom moved to
Barbados to serve on a religious Mormon mission. He had just retired after 46
years working at Hill Air force Base managing the online Military Defense
Department. He had also just retired from the Army National Guard as a Full
Bird Colonel. My dad was a planner. He had made good investments, their home
was paid off, and he had two pensions coming in plus social security. My mother
had worked teaching school for over 30 years, and she retired before they went
and had her pension and Social Security coming. They were thrilled to be moving
to the Caribbean for the next three years. Frankly, so were we!
Our first trip down to the island was for Thanksgiving in
2008, and they were thriving among the very diverse environment on the island
of Barbados and loved the people and their way of life. My dad was becoming
quite the local photographer, and my mother was speaking a combined form of
English and Rastafarian; she still does. “We be comin’ for suppa ‘round say
6pm. Now you all be havin’ a bless-ed Sabbath,” my 72-year-old mother will say
in a voicemail. She loves those people with all her heart.
We visited again in April 2009, falling more in love with
Barbados with every trip. Their time on the island was coming to an end, and
they had mixed feelings about coming home. We decided as a family to take one
last trip to the island in April 2010 before they came back to Utah in June
2010. However, when we got there, things were very different. My Dad was very
quiet. While he had always been quiet with three daughters yapping away all the
time, this was different. He had always driven when we were on the island, but
during this trip, he got us hopelessly lost several times. My mom’s left knee
was now bone on bone and would have to be replaced when she returned home, so
she was walking with a cane. I watched as my dad got out of the car, shut his
door, and walked right into the restaurant, church, or wherever we were and let
my mom struggle to get out; something did not feel right.
When they returned home at the end of June, it was worse.
He could not find the bank or the grocery store or any of our homes. He could
not drive anymore. Within the last three years, my dad has rarely recognized
friends and neighbors. He knows I am his daughter – but not which one. I have a
twin sister, a younger sister, and we all look similar. When I see him, I just
say, “Hi, Dad! It’s DeeAnn!”
I’m the only sibling who still wears glasses, and I keep wearing
them because every once in a while, my dad will recognize me by my name because
of them. In fact, this past Christmas Day my Dad said, “Merry Christmas, DeeAnn!
When did you start wearing glasses?” I just said, “Merry Christmas, dad. I love
you!” and took a moment to compose myself. I often get emotional after
receiving a very special gift. I hold it close to my heart as a memory because
I really do not know if I will ever get another one.
Alzheimer’s is cruel. Most of us, just like my dad, work
all our lives for our families. My dad worked for 45 years. He took the van
pool to Hill AFB every morning at 5 a.m. for work, was gone one weekend a month
and two weeks in the summer, and did four years of active duty for the military
so he and my mom could travel and enjoy their home, family, and grandchildren
debt-free after retiring.
My dad took us to summer camp with him to California each
year, and we spent two weeks on the beach and went to Disneyland and Sea World.
We were with the other army moms and our summer “army brat” friends. We stayed
in family housing and went to the chow line to eat and loved every minute of
it. All you take with you are your memories – unless you have Alzheimer’s.
I took a trip to New York last year and went to Ground
Zero. I brought my dad a book about the tragedy and the memorial
reconstruction. He must have asked me 10 times as we looked through the book,
“Who did this?” “Why did they do this?” and “Where did this happen?” He
remembers nothing about 9/11. Remember, he’s a retired Full Bird Colonel from
the Army.
Now, my dad rarely speaks and barely leaves his home.
Crowds make him feel anxious, chaotic, and afraid. He is frail and thin and
does not remember what it is like to feel hungry or thirsty. He does not
remember what regular items (toothbrush, razor, soap, or shampoo) are for. He
also needs a home health care nurse, which my mother takes to mean that she’s
somehow a ‘failure’ as a caretaker. That is the rock and the hard place my
sisters, brother, and I are facing right now.
I know I am not alone. I am certain there are many team
members going through similar life experiences. If so, reach out. Hey, you play
the cards you are dealt, but that does not mean I could not use a tip or two.
Finally, keeping a sense of humor is crucial. My dad
wears a patch for his memory. When I take care of him, he always asks why he
needs that patch. I tell him that it’s to keep him from smoking. He says, “I’ve
never smoked in day in my life!” and I say, “Good thing you wear the patch!” He
laughs, every single time.
You
can find many resources regarding
Dementia and Alzheimer’s disease a
Alzheimer’s Foundation of America.
